Comfortable Silence.

      Now, for the longest time I've been one of those people that absolutely hates the phone. In fact, if I could avoid it and make someone else make my calls for me...I did, and I could probably count on one hand the number of friends I've ever had a phone conversation with that lasted more than 2 minutes.
       However, I now have an office job, and answering the phone kind of comes with the territory and as much as I hate to say it, I'm warming up to it. I mean, as much as I don't want to admit it...texting is a huge hassle now, especially with touch-screen phones - I can't possibly be the only one who can't type on one of these things, I swear I spend more time editing my text messages than anything else. Sure, a quick text back and forth is still the preferred method of communication for little things, but I mainly talk to my closest friends and when you're writing out a whole paragraph or eight telling them how your day was - it's time consuming. I've been finding that I've been picking up the phone and calling my friends every night now instead of texting them because really...it saves us all a lot of time, and it's a lot more personal.
        One thing I've noticed now that I spend more time talking on the phone is that people really try their hardest to fill every minute with something...if there is even the inkling of a pause in conversation people have the tendency to want to fill it with whatever they can spew out fast enough. What's wrong with having a pause in conversation? Why is this something people are trying their hardest to avoid?
         I don't know if I'm alone here, but I've always been a fan of silences when you're speaking to or spending time with someone. Not because I don't want to hear what that person has to say, but because I feel like it shows you a lot about your relationship with that person. I personally believe that if you can't enjoy a comfortable silence with someone, then something in your relationship isn't working. Just sitting for a minute, not talking and just enjoying the company of whomever you're with is one of the best feelings. That level of comfort with someone is really intimate and lovely, and you're not going to find that with everyone you meet...it's special, savor it.
         If you're one of those people that tries to avoid silences in conversations, I challenge you to just let them happen. If you're someone who communicates strictly through text, then I challenge you to pick up the phone and call someone; It's a nice gesture and most people will appreciate the surprise now that it's no longer the dominant mode of communication. It's the little things people, they really do make the biggest difference.

xx

Positive Changes

I've attempted to maintain a blog for many years now – all have failed after several months. I think this is mainly because I focused more on censoring my posts for any possible audience that may stumble upon it, and that’s just not the kind of writer I am. I've decided one of my goals for this year is to maintain a blog...but for myself. I want a space to write, I want a space to rant, I just want need a space to put all the thoughts that often keep my mind racing every night.

While on the topic of goals, I have several this year. Not New Year’s resolutions by any stretch, but actual goals that I have set in order to see change in my life. Goals that I should have made a long time ago and that would have saved me a lot of time, energy, frustration...

This year I plan on, no, I am going to:

-          Rid my life of all the one-sided relationships that have accumulated because I am just too damn nice naive and just didn't have the guts to end, despite them being toxic. I don't have any energy left to put into fixing other people’s shit when they wouldn't give me the time of day. I'm no one’s therapist, life coach, or god knows what else. As much as I care about people, and as much as I love and want to help them, I just can’t. You can only deal with so many relationships in your life that give you nothing in return, and quite frankly I think I've had more than my fair share.

-          Fill my life with people that care about me, and that are positive forces in my life. I am lucky enough to have several amazing friends, all of which I've known for 10 or 20 years. These are the kinds of people that I need to remember to include in my life more. These are the people I need to remember to make an effort to spend time with. This year I'm going to spend all the time that I can with these people, meet those that I haven't yet met, and hopefully add even more people like this to my life.

-          Remember to tell the people that I care about...how much I care. This is a bit cliché, but I have a tendency to keep everything to myself. While those that have known me long enough know how I am and know how much I love them; I know how great hearing someone tell you how important you are to them can be, and sometimes people just need to hear it.

-          I’m going to start saying “yes” to things. I’ve missed out on a lot of things over the years because of my chronic illness and that needs to change. I can’t miss out on things anymore, I’m not enjoying my life like I should be because I’m constantly worried – I'm content with where I am, but I feel like I deserve more than that.
So to begin towards these goals...if you’re someone I care about, just know how much I appreciate having you in my life, what you do for me and  the patience you have to put up with me because I know I can be difficult sometimes. 

xx