Positive Changes

I've attempted to maintain a blog for many years now – all have failed after several months. I think this is mainly because I focused more on censoring my posts for any possible audience that may stumble upon it, and that’s just not the kind of writer I am. I've decided one of my goals for this year is to maintain a blog...but for myself. I want a space to write, I want a space to rant, I just want need a space to put all the thoughts that often keep my mind racing every night.

While on the topic of goals, I have several this year. Not New Year’s resolutions by any stretch, but actual goals that I have set in order to see change in my life. Goals that I should have made a long time ago and that would have saved me a lot of time, energy, frustration...

This year I plan on, no, I am going to:

-          Rid my life of all the one-sided relationships that have accumulated because I am just too damn nice naive and just didn't have the guts to end, despite them being toxic. I don't have any energy left to put into fixing other people’s shit when they wouldn't give me the time of day. I'm no one’s therapist, life coach, or god knows what else. As much as I care about people, and as much as I love and want to help them, I just can’t. You can only deal with so many relationships in your life that give you nothing in return, and quite frankly I think I've had more than my fair share.

-          Fill my life with people that care about me, and that are positive forces in my life. I am lucky enough to have several amazing friends, all of which I've known for 10 or 20 years. These are the kinds of people that I need to remember to include in my life more. These are the people I need to remember to make an effort to spend time with. This year I'm going to spend all the time that I can with these people, meet those that I haven't yet met, and hopefully add even more people like this to my life.

-          Remember to tell the people that I care about...how much I care. This is a bit cliché, but I have a tendency to keep everything to myself. While those that have known me long enough know how I am and know how much I love them; I know how great hearing someone tell you how important you are to them can be, and sometimes people just need to hear it.

-          I’m going to start saying “yes” to things. I’ve missed out on a lot of things over the years because of my chronic illness and that needs to change. I can’t miss out on things anymore, I’m not enjoying my life like I should be because I’m constantly worried – I'm content with where I am, but I feel like I deserve more than that.
So to begin towards these goals...if you’re someone I care about, just know how much I appreciate having you in my life, what you do for me and  the patience you have to put up with me because I know I can be difficult sometimes. 

xx